我是一名普通中国医生，多年前在传染病隔离病房火线入党，我那时在政治上非常幼稚，对这个党背后不可告人的历史真相真的一无所知。入党后在医院参加“组织生活”，集体声情并茂的演戏令我作呕。但当时我还只是觉得是一种不良的作风，并没有对表演背后的思想和人格去做深刻的领悟。体制内的日常让我觉得窒息和虚伪，我于是离开体制。新的单位也有党组织，他们动员我加入支部，我只是口头搪塞，心想既然离开体制，为何还要自缚心灵呢？便迟迟没有转组织关系，也从不参加组织生活。随着我到不同国家出差，在民主国家与国际同行交流时越来越发现党文化专制统治带来的国内的落后和自大。随后我开始关注到海外民主人士对历史的讲述，对国内事件的曝光，结合我自身的感受，逐渐开悟。我找来一九八四、美丽新世界、我们等书籍阅读，从历史和思想的高度对极权文化进行反思。我逐渐了解到党宣传的虚假、建政后荒唐而残酷的运动、赵家人的贪婪、帮凶的丑恶。。。我看到维权斗争的律师遭受酷刑、看到为民主中国而奋斗的先贤家破人亡。我看到热血流淌，染红华夏土地和HK。我听到震耳欲聋的呼喊、见证令人心酸的泪水。我目睹麻木不仁的眼眸，和刺目温热的人血馒头。。。我目送因政见不合而疏远的亲朋和家人，拥抱着自己寂寥身影。。。我十多年没有参加过任何组织生活，十多年未缴过党费，按照党章算已自动脱党。我深知我早已从思想上与这个党做了切割，但我今天仍要通过这个平台来与自己曾经入党的过往做个正式了断。感谢大纪元提供这样的平台和勉励。
I am a common doctor and joined CCP in isolated wards when fighting against an epidemic under the invitation from my mento. However， I was very politically naive at that time， and I really knew nothing about the hidden historical truth behind this party. After joining the party， I participated in "organizational activities" in the hospital， and the collective voice acting made me sick. But at the time， I just thought it was a bad style， and I didn't have a deep understanding of the thought and personality behind the performance. The daily routine in the system made me feel suffocated， so I left for a new job where there was still a CCP organization that mobilized me to join the branch. I just verbally agreed， but never joined by thinking that if I left the system， why I should tie up my soul again? As I began to travel to different countries on business trips， by communicating with international colleagues in democratic countries， I became more and more aware of China's backwardness and arrogance. I attribute this to the dictatorship of party culture. I began to pay attention to overseas democrats' voice， who narrated the history and revealed the events that happened in China. With my own experience， I gradually became enlightened. I found books such as 1984， Brave New World， and Мы to read， to deepen my thought. And I learned about the false propaganda of the party， the absurd and cruel mass movements since 1949， the greed of the Zhao family， and the ugliness of the accomplices. . . I saw lawyers being tortured when fighting for human rights， I saw the activists’ home broken when fighting for a democratic China. I see blood flowing， dyeing the land and the sky， as well as HK. I see deafening shouts and sad tears. I see indifferent and numb eyes and the dazzling bloody buns. . . I am watching the back view of the relatives， friends and family members distancing away from me， and me embracing my lonely shadow . . .
I haven't participated in any organization activities or paid my party dues for more than one decade， which means I have automatically left the party according to the party constitution. I am well aware that I have already cut off from the party in my mind. However， today please still allow me to make a formal break with my history of joining CCP on this platform.
Thank you Epoch Times for providing such a good platform and the encouragement.
2020-09-20
